The Calm Before the Storm

We all know the feeling.  It is the sick side of anticipation, the feeling that something is coming, and it isn't necessarily the most welcome.  Teachers know about this.  It is the morning, sitting at your dining room table, coffee in hand, thinking about being in the classroom.  They know what is coming.  The train heads their way.  But for that one moment, that tiniest of time, they are able to be still, Zen, pensive.  They stay in that calm, the eye of the hurricane before they bravely step into a world where the outcome makes the effort worthwhile.

As a former teacher, I know this feeling.  As a current training Ironman triathlete, I am experiencing this feeling.  It is December 31st, the last day I will experience in the 2015 year.  Tomorrow, my calendar begins.  It isn't ornate.  The calendar, that is.  The calendar is just something I printed off of Google Images.  It is a monthly calendar with a blank space to write on each day.  Very simple.

Each day now has information.  There is a B, or an S, or an R.  Some days have two of those letters, some days have (ugh) three of those letters.  Next to it, there is a number.  The number might be 120 or 2800.  It means something.  By itself, it is calm, like the morning coffee at your dining room table.  But in context, it means something else entirely.  It means a workout.

I sit here, in my quiet living room and I look at the calendar.  January and February don't feel so bad.  My longest bike session is maybe two hours.  My longest run: just over an hour.  Though the storm is upon me during those times, the fear will not have set in.  It is when I look to the months of May and June and see what is in store for me that it frankly raises my heart rate thinking about it.  I am in for some miles.  I am prepping for something really big.

When I see the entry for July 30th, it says Race Day.  I added two exclamation points for emphasis.  Then, feeling like I haven't given it justice, I highlighted it with a yellow highlighter.  Now it is important.  Color, against a black and white background.  Importance.  When I stare at that day, happily with my coffee and peace, my mind travels to that day, to that water.  I have driven enough in the area to know what the coast will look like when the sun rises, peaking over the mountains.  I know how it will look when it sets, silhouetting all of the land.  I know I will see both of those moments in one race.

For now, I sit in my quiet solitude.  Tomorrow, though, I must start to weather this storm.